I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
