I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
