I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
