Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
