She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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