someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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