I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
