At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
