I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
