the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
