Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
handjob tips. give me some.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
