dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
