I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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