I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
