As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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