he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
