Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize