ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
