meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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