White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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