Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All the doctor said was why
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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