Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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