She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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