Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
