haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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