the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
