My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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