Got a toothbrush?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
