Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
