$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh god the rape fog is back!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
