remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
