filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize