Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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