do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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