ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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