My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
