Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did i walk over a car last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
