I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
