I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
