I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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