Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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