You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
