I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
