I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
