Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
