Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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