Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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