i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
