please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
