you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I deserve this hangover.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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