vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
