remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
