Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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