I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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