shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
