eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
