She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
