How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
