I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
