I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
