it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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