Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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