ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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