She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
