remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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