Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Enjoy the penises
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
