Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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