I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
