you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
