If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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