Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
