i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
