I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Farmville is her only friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize