One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Randomize