I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
