Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize