So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
