onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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