the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
