Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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