dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the condom got lost in my hair
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
