i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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