Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
